


She Doesn't Love You Like I Do

by faithseed



Category: Red Dead Redemption
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Smut, soft again as always lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 17:07:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16876812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithseed/pseuds/faithseed
Summary: John Marston is a man with whom you are very close to, but eventually you realize that you might just love him more than as a friend. Yet, there’s only one obstacle in the way; Abigail and the life he should have.





	She Doesn't Love You Like I Do

**Author's Note:**

> Got inspired by a lot of things. This fic isn’t supposed to bash Abigail or anything, I love her. Just don’t love the relationship her and John have.

You’d never admit it, and you were perfectly alright with that, but there was something about John Marston that seemed to draw you to him. Maybe it was his rugged looks, the scars that covered the right side of his face, or perhaps it was the fact that you’ve known him for a while and slowly began to fall in love with him over time. 

And having had amazing drunken sex one night might have had a hand in it. You wouldn’t have thought John to even be of any use drunk, but it was as if the two of you were made for one another, seeming to move together passionately as your bodies pressed against one another desperately for a release. 

Your face burned as you thought back to that night, taking a breath to calm yourself. Everything about your desire for John was no doubt something you’d never be able to act on. You felt slightly bad for Abigail and Jack, knowing that she had been trying desperately to have a more close-knit family with John. Although that caused your heart to ache so painfully, you didn’t want to get in between that. It was none of your business.

And yet, John had always looked at you so softly with the gentlest of smiles. He’d talk calmly with you by the fire over a few drinks, sometimes even taking walks together through the country. You often wondered if he was doing this because the two of you were friends or if perhaps he liked you a lot more than he let on. 

You’d never had it in you to just outright ask. You would never let a soul know in fear of invoking Abigail’s wrath or being shamed by the gang. Not that they would- or you didn’t think at least- but that fear had made a comfortable bed in your heart and you’d do anything to keep it from becoming real. 

Maybe you had gotten a little too close. Perhaps people had started to notice that the two of you were around each other so often- longing gazes full of promises never kept and gentle touches only shared between lovers. Everyone had noticed something was happening, especially Abigail- you knew by the sharp glares she’d send you when you so much as looked in John’s direction. 

It became evident of her distaste towards you, so you began distancing yourself from John. Sure, you were known for getting into fights and shootouts but drama in the camp? You avoided it like the plague. Last thing you wanted was to turn the camp into complete disarray and it be your fault. John had continued to try and talk to you, but you blew him off most the time. 

It wasn’t until one day you had rounded a tent and heard Abigail yelling at John as she always did. Yelling about how he needed to be with her, with their son and needed to start acting more like a father. How he needed to stop being around  _ you _ . It had gotten pretty heated and you quickly took off, rushing off to find Dutch. When you found him, you told him about a made up job and that you needed to stay in town for a bit.

Truthfully, you just needed to get away from there. The place where you could only feel the pain in your heart swelling beyond capacity. At first you hadn’t cared that John was with Abigail. You hadn’t cared that they had a child together or had slept together. John had slept with many people, but you only cared that you had been one of them. The thought of him being  _ yours  _ was so bittersweet. A wonderful yet fleeting thought that only lasted until the next morning before he hurriedly dressed and rushed out of your tent. 

Dutch had agreed and you rushed to your horse, taking off as quickly as you could. You got a room at and inn in the nearest town and laid on the bed for a while, staring up at the ceiling blankly. A few days away from camp and the gang was all you needed and more importantly- time away from John. 

You’ve been gone for a couple days now and you haven’t done much of anything. You wandered around the small town, popped in to a couple shops and stole small things on your way out. You had taken a bath and wrote in your journal but it had been more of a quiet reprieve than anything. 

There was a knock at the door and you sat up, frozen in fear. You had only told Dutch where you were and you were sure he hadn’t come all this way just to get you. There was no reason to be as jumpy as you were, but with the law on your asses and the O'Driscolls running amuck, you couldn’t be too safe. You grabbed your pistol off the nightstand and carefully walked over to the door, opening it and sharply aiming the barrel of your gun at the man on the other side. 

John stood out in the hallway, holding his hands up with his head tilted to the side. “You plan on pullin’ the trigger?” 

“Of course not.” You frowned, lowering the gun and stepping back to allow him to enter. “Just wasn’t expecting company. Especially you.” 

He just smiled, taking off his hat and setting it down on the desk by the window before turning to lean against it. “Why’d you run off like that? Dutch said you’re doin’ a job?” 

Oh, you suddenly remembered you were supposed to find money to make your white lie believable. You cleared your throat and put the pistol down back in its place, standing some feet away from him. “Yeah, I should be back in a day or two.” 

“What’s the job?” He inquired, although there was something in his voice that hinted he didn’t believe a damn word you had said. “Need help?”

You frowned and turned your eyes away from him. “John.” 

"What?"

“Why’re you here?”

John was silent as he stared at you, his lips parted and that brain of his probably searching for the right words. When you looked back at him, you couldn’t help but notice he looked incredibly handsome in this lighting, the lantern’s flame tinting his skin with a dim orange glow. His eyes looked similar to the night sky, littered with stars. You took a breath to calm the rapid beating of your heart and waited for his response. 

Finally he let out, “Why are  _ you  _ here?”

You sighed and shook your head. “A job, like I told ya’ before.” 

“Nah, you ain’t.” He accused. “Don’t lie to me. Now come on, I’ll tell Dutch the mission didn’t go as planned.” 

Growing frustrated, you snapped, “I don’t wanna go back!”

John was quiet, a frown tightly pulling his lips. There was a mixture of disappointment and fear in his voice. “You runnin’ away?”

“No! I just wanna be alone, goddammit!” 

He pushed off the desk and groaned irritably. “If this is about Abigail, I’ve got that handled-” 

“This isn’t about Abigail!” You belted out, unable to stop the rising volume of your voice. You were desperate for him to know that he had it all wrong. “This is about  _ us _ _!_ This is about-” You paused, chest heaving from getting so worked up. 

John took a small step forward- cautious- as if he were approaching a feral animal. “About what?” His voice was softer now, calm and easy. 

You swallowed hard and sighed, eyes scanning his face and nose and lips- damn you weren’t so good at this. “I don’t want some casual thing with you.” 

“Okay.” He whispered and took another step forward and your eyes darted down to his feet before moving back to his face. 

You shouldn’t be so worked up, but your body was aching for him. “Abigail ain’t good for you.” You breathed out, feeling your blood burning throughout your body. You shouldn’t say such things, but John had already mentioned his feelings for Abigail once or twice before.

John just nodded and then took one more step. “I know.” He was so close now you wanted to run straight into his arms, but who were you do to that? Maybe he was just toying with you. Then again, this was John and he wasn’t like that. 

His large hand reached forward and brushed against your flustered cheek ever so lightly, a shiver running down your spine. And with yet another step, his chest was so close and his lips only inches apart. When they finally touched yours, it was slow and hesitant as he pulled away only slightly, neither of you moving an inch. Neither of you wanted to end this before it started. 

That was all the confirmation he needed and he kissed you again, only this time it was more confident and hungry; as if he had been craving to kiss you and touch you as his hands moved around your body and pulled you closer. You moaned into his mouth, fingers carding through his hair and body grinding against him. Oh, how you had missed this. And this time neither of you were influenced by whiskey. 

John was forceful as he got you out of your clothes, taking a slight step back to marvel at your body. It didn’t last long as a devious smile pulled his lips and he slipped his hands under your thighs and tugged them tightly around his waist, carrying you to the bed. There, he dropped you on your back and began removing his own clothing in a hurry. As he stood there completely bare before you, you bit your lower lip and used your legs to tug him onto the mattress. 

Laughter escaped both of you as he climbed over you, leaning down and kissing your throat. His breath was hot against your skin and your could feel your heart racing at the sensation. With so much as a little touch and a sensitive kiss and you were already weak and needy for him.

“You’re so fucking beautiful...” He whispered softly, calloused hands sliding up your torso and over your breasts. “I’ve missed you.” 

You were so overwhelmed with happiness and a sense of extreme ecstasy, a sort of high you could only get when you were with him. “I’ve missed you, too.” You moaned, pulling his head up and kissing him quickly. “More than you know.” 

John kissed you deeply, repositioning himself and spreading your legs apart. And when he pushed his cock inside you so swiftly and easily, you held onto him tightly, whimpering against his lips. He felt just as good as the first time and you broke from his mouth to take a deep, trembling breath. He paused and let his eyes take you in as you adjusted to his size.

After a moment he began moving in and out slowly, holding your thigh against his waist so gently, rocking his body against yours in a mesmerizing rhythm. His lips spoke enticing and loving words against your skin and you felt yourself smiling with each push of his hips and each tug of his hands. 

Your fingers gripped his hair, head tilting back as you let out a high-pitched moan, back arching upwards into him. “Oh hell, John.” 

“What?” He laughed lightly, his teeth pulling your earlobe. 

A satisfied mewl left you and your hand gripped the back of his neck. “Just think’n that this is way better than when we were hammered.” 

John laughed again only slightly louder, forehead pressing into the sheets. “God- I sure as hell hope so. Last thing I am is a lousy lover.” And just to prove it he started hitting you in exactly the right place that had you crying out, nails dragging down his back. He grinned with pride, his thumb rolling over your nipple roughly. 

“You’re never lousy.” You breathed out when he slowed, shutting your eyes and moaning. 

He only responded with a chuckle, gripping your hips and rolling onto his back. You sat above him now, chest heaving and trying to reposition yourself. As you settled into a steady rhythm, John just laid back with his hands roaming your body, his eyes doing the same in an attempt to not miss a single detail. “You’re so beautiful.” He mumbled.

You laughed and lightly hit his chest, using your other hand to take his. “You keep - ah,” Your sentence was caught in a moan, shutting your eyes and trying to catch your breath and focus again. “-saying that.” 

“Well,” He smiled softly, entwining his fingers with yours. “I mean it.” 

Your heart swelled and you smiled shyly, looking away from his eyes and picking up the pace. It didn’t feel possible to love John more than you already did but sometimes he just  _ had  _ to prove you wrong. Soft moans escaped him and you gripped his hand tightly, his groans and curses only spurring you on. And  _ Christ  _ were you so damn  _ close _ .

As if he could tell you were losing steam, he propped himself up and pulled your hand to his lips and spoke encouraging words. “Come on,” He whispered, his hips jerking upwards, heavy groans rumbling in his chest. “Come on, darlin’.” 

And so you nodded and bent over, kissing him sweetly before you began riding him as fast you could, moving your hips and focusing on the feel of his cock being forced in and out of you. It didn’t take long for the overwhelming build up in you to burst and you cried out, tightening around him as you came.

John gave a couple more thrusts as he came as well, moaning quickly and then pulling you down. He kissed you hard and good and you felt that ecstatic high take over. You fell off him and on your side, lips pulling his and your hand sliding over his cheek. When you parted he leaned over you, fingers grazing down your throat as his forehead touched yours. 

“Shit- I think I love you.” 

Your small sigh broke into a laugh as you smiled warmly. “Well gee, I think I love you, too.” Then another thought- so terrible and wrong- entered your head and you frowned. “Abigail…” 

John groaned and fell on his back. “Dammit, why you keep bringing her up?” 

It wasn’t like you could help it. A strange guilt that you had managed to push to the back of you mind had come out of hiding. “John, don’t be like that. We have to talk about this.”

“I will handle it. She won’t be bothering you or nothing, I swear. Let’s just, not talk about her, alright?” He rolled back over and pulled you into his arms, burying his nose in the crook of your neck. 

You absolutely wanted to talk about it, but he was so warm that you felt like forgetting it all over again. So you sighed heavily and allowed him to hold you tightly, his lips peppering soft kissing against jaw and face. You closed your eyes and your fingers danced over his chest.

He hummed shortly. “We should head out tomorrow.” 

“Can’t.” You muttered and smiled when he pulled away slightly. “Paid for that night.” 

There was a short huff and you opened your eyes to see him grinning. “Well, then we better make the most of it.” 

You returned his smile and then kissed him tenderly. “Exactly what I was thinking.” 


End file.
